She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
