I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
