Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
