After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
