Me too!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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