I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
