Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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