Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
