he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
