Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
