I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
