I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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