After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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