i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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