reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
