I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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