hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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