Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
