I wish I only lived at night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
