Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
