Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
