No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
