It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my liver is dry heaving
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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