Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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