she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
