She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
