mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
