my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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