First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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