@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
