HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
