She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
another moral hangover. fuck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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