I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
