I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
