Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
