You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
