I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
