white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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