So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
