If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
