the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
