I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
