i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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