The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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