I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
