Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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