Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
