She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
