The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
