Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
