Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
