Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
